There are a lot of things going on in my life. It is like a never-ending race of things to be done. But not all days are created the same. There were days I felt I stuck. I usually wake up every morning with an agenda in mind. In those days that I am stuck, I hardly tick off a task list or a goal.
There were mornings where I read the Bible at the balcony and minutes later, I would be looking at the sky. I will be drowned with waves of thoughts. Snap! I will go back to the present and realized that I was just breezing through words. The meaning of the sentences is lost. I try to regain the meaning of the chapter, so I start again.
That rough start in the morning will transcend to the whole day. Schedules will be moved. Distractions are entertained.
My day usually ends with a long walk. I think about the things I’ve accomplished in the day. Sometimes, I will hate myself for not doing so much or for not getting things done. Doubt about what I can do emerges. I talk to myself about not being good enough. I will be so drained about all these thoughts that the night is full of self-talk and nothingness.
When I get back to the right senses, my usual go-to person is Abraham. I will review his life and how God consistently has guided him.
Keep going. Life is not always free from doubts. I believe that as a Christian there are tests that I must endure. To endure means to be in faith that God is in control. That His grace is unlimited.
One of my happy thoughts now is that joy is God’s serious business. I will find hints in my circumstances of where God is and the joy of his presence. This is tricky because my brain is used to managing life the way I want it to be. Thank God that when I listen intently to Him and look at my season, there is joy in it. Silver lining.
As Walter Elliott said, “Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.”
Endure the days. Enjoy the race. One hour and day at a time.
Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash