Marriage and Porcupines

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

There are so many things that could happen to my day that is not right. What keeps me going is that when I get home, Richt, my wife, is there patiently waiting for me. She takes time to listen about my day. She prepares food when she can. I love it when she does that.

I have all her support for every decision that I make in our home. It does not matter to her if she understands it fully. My job is to be able to cast to her the vision of where we could be in the years to come.

When I decided to start being an entrepreneur, she refuses to believe that I could not make it. She was there through and through. Richt was there when I felt nothing is happening. She reminds me not to quit. She gives me encouraging words so that I will continue what I started.

We have made adjustments. She needs to adjust more because I am the one who has travels, who might stay late at night, who might not be able to cook meals, and many more. She takes it all without question. Our finances is tight and so she also made adjustments on how to carefully work with the budget.

I also learn a lot of her. I take inspiration from her with the way she works. She is very passionate with her work. She works to be an example. She cares about the welfare of her team. She never took credit on what they have achieved. Such a joy to see her at her best in the field she is in.

We are also living a very simple life. Nothing fancy. We have a budget for a date night and we almost always eat to the same place that we learn to love. I never heard her asking for so much more. My desire is to be able to do more and give more.

I am sharing this because there is a growing pessimism about marriage. That it is not just hard work but also that it might not work. I can attest that marriage is hard work, but it works.

It works when you make it a joy to serve your spouse. It works when you take every decision together so there is no one to blame if it does not work. It works when you fight to stay together.

Dr Steve Stephens describes this as ‘The Porcupine Process’ in his book, “Experience the Difference.” He talks about porcupines and how they try to move closer together when they need warmth. Yet when they do, their quills poke each other, and it hurts. As a result, they’re in a dilemma. Do they brave out the cold shivering alone, or do they find a way to come together somehow, to warm up?

And so Richt and I continue to persevere to be together. That despite of our quills, I know that she is my wife, my bestfriend, my encourager, my helpmate.  

In the photo with us are Clark and Berlie Petel.
We also learn a lot from them.
Overnight to a friend's (Jaymon) place tonight.

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