I wasn’t blessed enough, or so I thought.
I grew up with my father working abroad. The only times he went home were whenever his contracts are finished, then he would apply for another to return back to South Korea.
This went on for about eleven years, because I was 11-years old when he stayed for good.
Growing up, I was spoiled by all my Titas (aunts), I have 5 titas on my mom’s side, and two on my father’s. This is why when I found out Papa is staying for good, I was excited. All I could think about was “finally, someone who can hangout with me, and do father-and-son stuff”.
But not everything went as I imagined it in my head. Sure, Papa and I hung out a couple of times, but we never became close. I tried to connect to him a couple of times, but ended up disappointed because he is always busy with work. Busy with providing for our family. I couldn’t understand it at the time, so anger welled up inside me.
I grew disrespectful to him. I don’t talk to him most of the time. I gave up trying to connect to him.
Until one night (this happened recently), we got in to a fight. And I spilled everything I was feeling about him. How much I hated him for not being there for me when I was a child, how I felt rejected whenever he refused bonding with me, how much he doesn’t care though he knows exactly what my problem was. I was mad. And then he calmed down.
He said he was sorry. He explained to me everything. He told me I couldn’t force him to be the father I imagine in my head because that’s not him. If I do, he will not be happy because I will not be satisfied and I would keep asking for more.
He was right.
Papa made me realize that I should be satisfied with who he is, because that is all he could offer. He is already giving me his best. My father is a good provider. He never stops finding a way to provide for me and my brother.
But because I was always asking more from him, because I was never satisfied, I never saw him that way.
God made me realized that when I feel like I’m not blessed enough, I just have to be satisfied with what he has already given me.
That sometimes, I am just looking at things the wrong way, and have to change how I view my situation.
The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you. -Deuteronomy 28:11 NIV
Ever since then, I started appreciating my father, respecting, honoring, and loving him.
Imperfect as he is, I know I have a perfect One in heaven.
What are the areas in your life that you feel god hasn’t blessed you enough?
Sometimes we feel like we are not blessed enough because we only look at the things we desire, and not what God desires for us.
I learned to look at the latter. I learned that God already provided more than enough for me, and that I just have to be satisfied with what He gives me.
I learned to keep in mind that He only desires to give what’s best for me, and what He desires is always better than mine.
WRITTEN BY: YEV MONARQUIA