While It Hurts: Moving On From A Broken Heart

There were a lot of times that I get confronted with questions about how to handle a broken heart. I will be answering this question according to my opinion and experience. This is not a to-do list or a must-follow steps to heal a broken heart. Who can relate to this?

Those whose crush is finally getting married. Those who had been heartbroken over and over again because their crushes are tying the knot already. Those feelings are valid too and should be addressed.

This is for those men who are courageous enough to pursue women but got a ‘No’ in the end.

And for those who were supposedly talking about marriage already and what your perfect wedding song is. Yet, the sweet song choices became bitter songs. The hard truth is that you are not looking at the same direction anymore. You are not seeing each other’s eyes the same way as you stare at each other for the very first time. Then, you/both unilaterally or mutually decided to let go.

What happens the next day?

It is as if you wake up from a long nightmare. The only difference is that it is indeed true! You check your text messages and there is none. You tried to sleep again but you could not. You keep on glancing the text message but nothing came in. At 11:30, you heard a tone message and you read an offer from your mobile network. It hurts!

You stalk the person in Facebook or at Instagram. You want to see where the person is or what the person is doing. Then, you see a barkada shot with the person grinning with almost all teeth out. The person is happy! “Why?!”, you ask yourself. Because deep inside you want to know or see that the other person is sad or miserable too.

News flash: Most people post only good things and happy stuff about their lives. If you see the person with a smile, it could just be one of those curated smiles for good photography.

But because you are triggered, you made a promise to yourself. You will work hard. Sport a new hair. Enroll in the gym. Get the body that you think you deserve. For what? So that the next time you unfortunately bumped into each other, in your head you will say, “Ex, ako nga pala to. Ang sinayang mo.”

Can you relate to the description above? All those things and thoughts happen only for one whole day. If you are not mindful, it will consume you and moving on and moving forward is far from happening. Every day will just be a rewind of waiting for a call or text, stalking at social media and promising to yourself to not ever do it again. Yet you still do!

What can you do?

Reach out to real friends and stay connected with them.

Never ever randomly call or message people that you barely see or know. Who knows what they will tell you or ask you to do. Some of them will drill every single thing that happened trying to make sense what might have gone wrong. Analyzing everything that you say about the person, judging the other person. It will either make you feel good because they will sympathize with you or feel bad because based on their seemingly thorough analysis, you did something wrong and turned the other person off. They might tell you to call or message the other person to say sorry. No!

Allow those friends who know you and would speak life to you. Those who will not just agree to everything that you would say. But those who will truly listen to you. Not those who will be prompt to give advices but those who will just be silent and be willing to listen.

It is also a lie of the enemy to keep you in isolation. The enemy will make you think that you are the only person who is lonely and all the others are perfectly happy with their lives. I am not saying that you compare. What I am saying is, it is okay not to be okay.

Accept what is true.

Confront the brutal facts. Yet never lose faith. – Stockdale Paradox (Good To Great, Collins)

The beginning of moving on to move forward is to accept that things have changed. That you have a choice to fully let go. That while it hurts, it is okay to be hurt. That in the coming days you need to be braver and stronger, not alone though because you have real friends.

You do not necessarily have to pretend that you are okay. You do not have to fix or cut your hair. You do not have to buy new clothes.

Cry if you must. Sit still. Be still. Respect your hurt. Respect the pain. Endure. The next days will be better.

You do not have to hustle or change a lot of things drastically. You just have to be still. You just have to surrender this to God.

All the struggles of not surrendering it to God are not worth it.

Redeem who you are.

The brokenness will make you feel rejected and shamed. The worst response is to reject and be ashamed of your own self.

Listen to the comfort of your family and friends.

Listen to the only voice that matters: the voice of God. He who created you. He who redeemed you.

Redeem yourself by surrendering all the pains and the hurts to God.

A friend who is preparing to get married said this perfectly:

Before I was focused on [pursuing her] that is why it did not work out the way I wanted it to be. After getting a heartbreak, God spoke to me through this verse:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33

God refocused my lenses to Him and I felt that God is telling me to pursue Him first and have an intimate relationship with.

True enough, God was already working ahead of me [as He always is].

In His perfect time, He gave me the precious gift that I was pursuing.

My point is that, singles you should have an intimate relationship with God first before anyone else. Don’t worry about who would be the person you will spend the rest of your life. God will just give it to you in His perfect time.

I could not agree more on his testimony.

Seek him first as in the verse above. Jesus also said a command and a promise:

Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself… – Matthew 6:34

That while it hurts, do not be anxious because you have a God who will always redeem you. He comforts those who are weeping.

He is close to the broken hearted. He is closer to you more than you ever think He is.

WRITTEN BY: JUNVER ARCAYNA

 

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