Values Driven Marriage: Family

Dear Parents,

My wife and I are yet to have a child of our own.

We are very excited for that! Our excitement springs also from the fact that both of us are teachers of Kids ministry. We love kids. Also, I handle a victory group of young boys from pre-teens and now some of them are going to college already. I have seen the growth of some kids in the ministry who are now serving in the same capacity with us. It is very observable also that the not-anymore-preteens of my group are taller than me.

Before getting married and even until now, I am surrounded with mentors (husbands and couples) who allowed me to see in my eyes how they successfully manage family life. I was once able to babysit for their kids and I could see how they are being brought up well.

I share those first to let you know that I am yet to have a child of my own. But I have seen the impact and the importance of being a real father and being intentional parents.

 Being A Real Father

During my early working years, I thought that the job of the husbands is to provide for the family. This is not true! That was one of the first lessons that I have learned from my mentors. The real job of the husbands is when they go home after the long toil for work outside. The husband’s real job at home is to connect with his kids and his wife.

You spend your energy in engaging with your colleagues in the office or the team members that you are handling. But the best of your energy should be spent at home.

Spend time with your kids and ask them how they are. Help them with their assignments and play with them. Talk to them about and how they are at school. Attend to their important events at school. I have friends who are scarred of their childhood days because their parents were not able to attend their graduation day.

Ask your kids about one or two things that she learned at school in that day. They spend more than five hours at school. They might have learned values, habits or words that they need to know why it is wrong. You can challenge those thoughts that are being bombarded to them at school.

If your wife is a full-time mother, appreciate her. She might have given up her career as she focused on the jobs at home. Tap her at the back and say thank you. Imagine her whole day when she is arranging toys over and over again, preparing for meals and doing laundry.

Talk to her as maybe she is the only adult at home and she only hears the mumbles and the cries of your kids whole day.

When there are a lot of things that happened in a day, some of the fathers that I know will take five to ten minutes to rest their brain and to refocus it in the excitement of going home before they actually go home. It prepares and replenishes the energy that they need at home.

As a husband, you can provide material things because of your job but that is not so much compared to the values that you are forming at the confines of your home. Your kids will grow up and they too will reap what you have shown to them.

I am confident that the ultimate role of the husbands is not to provide. That is the role of our Father in Heaven.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:19

Working overtime can be a temptation because of an extra-income. But if it hinders you from being a real father and a husband then there must be something wrong with it. It can be a trust issue. You do not trust enough that God will provide. Or you do not trust Him enough that He can work out things on your behalf. Trust Him!

Being Intentional Parents

Francis and Lisa Chan wrote the book ‘You And Me Forever: Marriage in Light Of Eternity’ and they shared this:

The goal of the parents is not just for the kids to recognize them as friends but for their children to recognize them as authority. My kids are some of my best friends. I think that’s a good thing. But we must be careful that we don’t work so hard towards our friendships that we forget we are the parents. They don’t need just another friend. They need an authority figure, an example, something their buddies can’t offer them. God has placed you in your child’s life in such a way that you represent His loving authority. He has given you the responsibility of raising your children, teaching them how to serve, preparing them for the future.

They said that parents are doing a disservice to the kids when they cannot tie his own shoes, cut his own steak and eventually do big things. Parents should allow their children to grow so that when left on their own, they will not fail. Raise them to be a blessing and not to be a burden.

Parents should raise their children to love Jesus more than they should be loved. That the children will know that their identity and security is never tied up to their family names, work of their parents but to Jesus.

Connect them to leaders that you know who can mentor them and teach them also. There are times when they need to hear the same thing that you already tell them from a mentor that you and they trust also.  Partner with people who will pour life also to your children. Years from now and you will be gone, they need to have other people that they can look up to as an example to them.

As parents, pray for your children. One of my mentors put an alarm everyday so that in the busyness or the idleness of the day, he will remember to pray for his kids. He knows and I believe in Him that the greater battle is in the spirit and parents should tap God and His power for his kids’ guidance and protection.

Lastly, remind them of the Gospel in light of your marriage. Teach to them the examples of Jesus. If they make achievements, share to them what Jesus has done on the cross. They they will not be able to experience the fullness and true victory in life if not for His sacrifice.

RELATED ARTICLES: Values Driven Marriage (Introduction); Values Driven Marriage: Honor God


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